Saturday, June 25, 2011

i've cracked

this is it i'm done i can't do this anymore

i can't deal with rejection i can't deal with people calling me healthy when i know they mean thick and heavy i can't be happy and normal anymore

why is everyone saying i've gained weight when i haven't. it's like they've finally noticed how huge i am it was about time i wish they hadn't it's worse when the think it too its real

every bite i take, someone thinks of me as fat and nothing more only this distorted body

if i think this hard enough i will never eat again

i will count calories and pounds and discard them i will melt away fade away they won't know me anymore and oh this is terrible i don't want to go through this anymore but i don't think there's anything i can do i can't ask you to save me from myself

not this time

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is laughable.

Ana's Girl said...

FUCK YOU, ANONYMOUS! There is not a damn thing laughable about feeling this way.
Jillian, i love you... remember that. I know how you're feeling so well that this post nearly made me cry... I can remember the first time someone ever told me something that made me feel that way, and i can remember every single time since then. It hurts more than anything, and you just want to starve and prove them so wrong that they're the ones that begin to feel bad. I KNOW how you feel, but i don't know how t make you feel better. Just believe me when i say that i know you are beautiful, no matter how you feel or think about yourself. I love you bigger than the sky!