I have seen something new and grand: I have seen my future.
Do not be mistaken: I have not acquired the magical gift of Sight, tampered with a crystal ball or played with tarrot cards. But I have seem a future that belongs to me and only me.
I used to think I would die at the tender age of twenty. Not only could I not see past that age, but I could see my death by disease or by accident. "A sweet, bright young woman, full of potential, mourned by her friends and family" A born cliché.
But lately, now that I'm approaching twenty years, I've had glimpses of what I could be were I to live: a professor, alone in a Ottawa appartment, bathing in a crisp, white light, drinking tea, reading. I don't think it is a future I will share with someone special, but I don't mind. Teaching physics, doing research, and pursuing my career as a student: a bacchalaureate in political science, in English litterature, in linguistics (ethymology in particular), in French litterature, in Russian... Forever learning. I cannot die: I have not learned enough. So many books not read, classes not taken, people not met. Not that I like most people- I assure you, I don't- but some people are worth the stressful acquaintance.
This means a lot to me. This future is not only possible, but also probable, and delights me. At last I have something more to look forward to than an untimely and gruesome death.
At last, I hope and dream to live.
1 comment:
I'm so happy you have found something to live for and to strive towards.
Before I met my husband and got married, I had a very similar look to my "future". Right down to the Ottawa appartment. I wanted to work in event communications and living on my own right in the market.
Don't be afraid to go after your desires. It's the one thing I regret about not doing while I was single. Now because I don't have the flexibility of being alone I can't be a "do anything" type of person. Use all of what you have realized to acheive your full potential. You're at the prime right now. I may only be 5 years older but I've lost out on too much and now have to settle or stay in retail the rest of my life.
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