i want out

Everyone is waiting for that moment: the inciting incident, the catalyser, the big bang, followed by the invitable leap of faith towards the achievment of our innermost desires.

We want to be surprised, bothered, shocked, forced out of our comfortable life, of the hole we've dug ourselves into. Bravery is a thing of the past: we are often moved by fear, sometimes by discomfort, occasionally by greed, but hardly ever by courage. Decisions are too difficult to make: as atheist as some may have become, we still look up to some greater power, willing it to will us to move, to change. We want to be without becoming. No, no, this we cannot do by ourselves. But the time will come, surely, we will wake up one morning to find ourselves changed, effortlessly, finally able to do what we wish. It will happen, it must. We are different from the others: we will succeed where they have failed. We have faith, it will happen.

But things don't just happen. They must be willed and acted upon. And yet, we wait.

In the meantime, we live ghosts of lives, redundant, empty things, until at last we are left hopeless, dreamless, dead.

Death is the only thing which will happen. In truth, death is all we are waiting for.