ladies and gentlemen, the rant of the century

This is Quentin Mytosis Stallone. Yes, he's totally over the top.

..Or not. At any rate, this hectic week has left me exhausted and completely uninspired to do anything even remotely more creative than written complaining, so here you go! You lucky, lucky ladies.

It was like this week would never end. Long story short, following last weekend's panic and neurosis, I became sick and weak. I ate very little. Which made me sicker and weaker (and two pounds lighter: highest point of my week). Which made me sleep more. Which made me spend less time doing homework. Which made me rush the entire time I was awake. You get the picture. I also got my worst exam grade in my college career... in math. I'm supposed to be good at math. And out of the blue, while the pain from my mathematical failure (69%... eek) is still lingering, my french teacher announces that I've been picked for this special college program. Basically, instead of studying French during my fourth session, I will be taught how to teach French. This is cool, especially since I'm a tutor in math and french, but very confusing. Science is supposed to be my thing. Not french, not grammar. Aaargh.

So, here comes the rant: while I was in the shower having an allergic reaction to yet another brand of hypoallergenic shampoo (curse you!), I thought up a little rant against haters. I know it sounds lame, but hear me out: this is something that has always bothered me. For the sake of this argument, I shall use my beloved Canadian compatriote, Justin Bieber, as an example, along with Twilight. I remember the first days of Twilight... Such promise! I don't want to be all "I read Twilight before it was cool"... but I did! I actually enjoyed the first novel. I thought it was an interesting idea, the whole concept of vampires drinking animal blood and falling in love with human beings almost repulsively ordinary. And then BOOM it exploded. It was everywhere. And so were the Twifreaks. And the concept of vampires got real old real fast (read that with a South of the US accent for super bonus points!) But this isn't the bad part: I have nothing against Twifreaks. If you like Twilight, be my freaking guest. I can't decide what you guys like. Same goes for Bieber fans: I don't care for his particular brand of music, but that doesn't mean you can't. The kid's got some talent. Sure, he's way overrated, but get with it people: all celebrities are. You can't say he's a fake and turn around and listen to I dunno Kesha (I am NOT going to spell with a dollar sign. Sue me.) It just makes no sense. What I really despise is the hating (wait.. doesn't that make me a hater hater?) Haters are an abomination. You're fully allowed to really despise things. That's okay. I really hate Kesha's music: her voice makes me cringe. I also hate automatic cash-outs, and that's just fine. Sometimes bus drivers creep me out, and there is nothing wrong with that. But making hating into some kind of hip culture (makes me think of some kind of bone plantation where you can grow hips and skulls and kneecaps) is just lame. If you're a Twilight/JB/Kesha fan and you want to spend 30$ on a T-shirt that says Team Jacob/Bieber fever/I don't wash my hair EVER (maybe Kesha's allergic to shampoo too!), that's cool. But spending 30$ on a T-shirt that says "Team Twilight-Sucks" is not. If you buy that shirt, if you actually take the time to drive to the store (and pollute the atmosphere), look for the shirt, struggle to find your size (there is always plenty of all the other sizes), try it on and deal with the people at the cash, well, you're a pathetic excuse for a human being. Don't you have anything better to do? (says Jillian, writing about people wasting time..) "Look at me, guys, I hate Twilight and I want everyone to know I'M SO COOL" just makes me want to ram my face into a concrete wall. Until I make a dent. (can you dent concrete?)

All of this brings me to anorexia haters. You've all had them come around to your blog and write some stupid comment about how "not eating is not the fastest way to lose weight" and "i'm fat and beautiful!" and "you people are evil". Sure, there are some actually well-intentioned people who just don't know much about anorexia, want to help and just aren't sure how to do it: they'll say things like "you're hurting yourself, this is really dangerous, you should get help" like we don't have a clue, and some of them even get angry at us for hurting ourselves which is understandable. However, if you are just surfing around the web looking for blogs written by sick, unhappy people so you can put them down, insult them and bask in your adipous, hydrogenated glory, you are a LOSER. Get a purpose, get a brain, get a heart, and get the hell out of my life. Thank you.

This may be the longest, most boring post I've written. Ever. So I'll dedicate it to all the haters out there: this is just how much you're worth. Zinger!