It's ridiculous that I hold on to this lifestyle. It clearly does not suit me. What is keeping me here? An inherent fear of change and failure? Why is it that, though I have nothing to lose, I cannot find the courage to be myself and live the way I love?
I think if, given the choice, I would do my life over. I also think that I'd end up making the same decisions. I don't learn from my mistakes; I don't take my own desires into consideration.
I hate that which that is ridiculous. The ridicule, the vulgar, the foolish, anything that is overly malleable: these things are repulsive to me. Yet I seek them, I make no effort to push them away. It's like I'm fighting the most TRIVIAL war against myself.
1 comment:
Learn from the mistakes of others, there isn't enough time to make them all yourself!
Maybe you fear living without the familiarity of what is normal to you now? Fear of being happy, because what on earth is it LIKE to be happy? What do you DO? Do you even DESERVE to be happy?
Well YES YOU BLOODY WELL DO DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. Do what will make YOU happy and to hell with the rest of the world if they want you to do something different. Sometimes it takes a while to find what will make you happy, but exploring is fun!
Lots of love to you *Huggles*
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