calmer now

So I ended up hurting myself. But at least I got some sleep.

My life is going nowhere because I'm TERRIFIED of making decisions.

The reasons for yesterday's panic episode? As usual, my father's fiancee, but I also signed up for university. Officially. In biomedical sciences.

I don't want to choose. I want to do EVERYTHING. I wish I could live a million lives at once. I'm so unsure of what I want to do most that I usually end up doing nothing, which is the worst.

I've spent my first two weeks of winter vacation hiding my room, reading, learning Spanish, playing video games and, mostly, sleeping. I only got out to see Sherlock Holmes because I am head over heels in love with brilliant fictional characters. I went to a party and ran away. I went to another party and ran away. I drank too much champagne... Too much for me.

I need to turn this vacation around before I waste ALL of it.

Finally, thank you Peri! I haven't even commented on your blog (or anyone's really) in weeks and I feel terrible. Thanks for being there for me even when I'm not doing the same for you. I'll try to be a better friend to you lovely ladies. Which reminds me...

Let's see how I did in 2011. These are my resolutions from last year. The ones I bolded are those I did not follow.

produce more
create more
learn more
read more
write more
try more
blog more
run more
see more
hit more
care more
stand more
love more
drink more
listen more
hate more
start more
finish more
move more
aim more
plan more
imagine more
express more
do more

sleep less
waste less
complain less
talk less
sit less
lie less
break less
eat less
cry less
rest less
stop less
close less
ignore less

2011 was a very lazy year physically, but I learned a lot of things and put heart into my studies. I really did not move or run enough. I also cried more than I've ever cried before, and told as many lies as I did in 2010.

Just to make myself clear, I don't believe that New Year's resolutions are magical. I know Jan 1st is just another day. But I like the idea of setting goals in a definite time interval. Also, at the beginning of a new year, I think we are all looking towards the future.

And so, though I realize most of you have given up reading by now:

12 RESOLUTIONS OF 2012

1. Learn basic Spanish. Properly.
2. Play more guitar. And sing.
3. Write more. Anywhere, anything, anyhow.
4. Eat less. Weigh less. It's quite simple.
5. Go outside. Play. Even when it's cold.
6. Drink more water. It's easy.
7. Seriously. Stop complaining.
8. Plan things ahead. Be organized. Please.
9. Cry less. Get a bit angry if you have to.
10. Ace university. Excelling makes you happy.
11. Stop lying. It's vile. Shut up and listen to what others have to say.
12. Keep producing, creating, learning. Your favourite things.

I think I can do this. Because these are all things that make me a stronger, better, happier person. What are your New Year's resolutions?