I'm at school right now trying to take as little space as possible, trying to be invisible, but it seems like everywhere I go there's someone I know; there is no escaping the past years, I am tied down to my past and I am not free. I really would like to go somewhere where no one knows me... And maybe not get to know anyone. Or find someone more like me, more like you.
Earlier this afternoon I was at a conference on articifial intelligence and cognitive network. The human mind is truly amazing, and the possibilities of applications of our brain's cognitive processes to technology are endless. The more I learn about computer science the more it is interesting to me: it really is more than just coding. And even that looks crazy (have you seen The Social Network?). I don't want to work in that domain... but I would like take a few classes in computer sciences later on. College is killing me: everything is so slow, the classes, the students... I feel like I'm wasting my time. The tenor of the classes is relevant and valuable but it is transmitted to the students too slowly. I could obtain this diploma in half the time if they only let me. It's ridiculous.
University will be that opportunity I'm searching for: new city, new school, new people. I'll study physics and math and computer science and litterature and languages and maybe robotics and it will be great. Almost no one will know me... Or think they know me. Because really that's most of it. People here right now think they know me. Which is what is so annoying. Maybe we all go through life thinking we know a lot of people but really we are all strangers. It is so easy to generalize and categorize and make the wrong judgements.
I'm starting to feel invisible again, which is great. I'm receding into my own little space-bubble and my heart will slow its crazy beating. My space-bubble is warm and quiet and silky. I will forget where I am, what time it is and who I am with and I will think about cognitive networks and university and beautiful people.
Blogger has become my safe place. Reading your words makes me feel alive and important and even loved. I hope my words bring you some comfort too.
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I went for a run this evening and it felt GREAT. I'm so glad I'm done with this stupid cold. I'm also planning to kick ass at my 10K in March. If I don't decide to run the half-marathon. I only did run two miles tonight but I only stopped because of a stupid pain in my calves... Fortunately this is probably due to some martial arts injury and shouldn't be a problem in the future.
Running is like flying. Try it. Not walking, not jogging, running. It's amazing.
(My English is sketchy today. Sorry.)
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