i'm just this knot of insecurities right now
i'll never get into med school because i'm not smart enough or nice enough or amazing enough and i'm not sane, i'm dangerous, and i think my friend asked me out and i have no idea how i feel about it, and my body is horrible right now, and my writing is bad and my friends are distant and it's probably my fault and i'm lazy because i spend too much time sleeping and i dont read enough anymore so im becoming dull and uninteresting and everything i don't like and i wrote a list of my life goals yesterday and now it's overwhelming me because i won't go to med school or learn Russian or finish my robot or climb a volcano or see Hey Rosetta in St-John's or weigh less than 100 pounds ever again ever
maybe it's better this way because if i ever did succeed somehow than i'll be surprised and overjoyed instead of just being disappointed that i didn't achieve anything else
what will i amount to? i'm just like everyone else, if not more inhibited and lost and conflicted and i mean im trying to do things, to make something great out of this body and this mind but i'm always afraid i'll let everyone down
that's better. maybe tomorrow i'll feel like i'm brilliant and much better than everyone else and i wish i'd just make up my mind and figure out who i am at least a little.
at least i must have done SOMETHING right because here you are and i'm so lucky to have you all
1 comment:
EXCUSE ME GOOD MADAME I CALL BULLSHIT ON YOUR ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT YOURSELF.
YOU ARE SMART AND NICE AND AMAZING ENOUGH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
We seriously need more doctors with empathy and understanding in the world. Case in point: Seafood Dude's doc will not DX or treat his rampant AHDH because the doc says 'AHDH doesn not exist' RAGE FACE.
You need your body to at least be WORKING to do any of those things. If it's eating your fucking BRAIN to stay alive you won't do any of those things EVER.
Which volcano? I wanna climb one too. Active or dormant?
YOU CAN DO ALL THOSE BLOODY THINGS IF YOU WANT TO. THIS SHIT TAKES MORE TIME.
Shameless warning: You don't want to get back into reading by reading my NaNo. Go read something good and edited. Erm Margaret Mahy if you wanna ease back into it. Or Joy Cowley. Ticket to the Sky Dance compeltely turned me off ever wanted to model.
LET YOUR MIND GUIDE YOUR HAND AND YOUR BADASSERY WILL FLOURISH. Do what is interesting to you and makes you happy. When it becomes not-interesting or starts to make you miserable then STOP and try something else.
Nobody EVER does fucking theoretical physics UNLESS they find it pretty fucking interesting. Same goes for anything else.
You will amount to a PRETTY FUCKING AWESOME BAMF JILLIAN. Believe it and follow your passion. Hunt the fucker down in the long grass and hit it on the head and drag it home.
YOU CAN DO IT. YES YOU BLOODY CAN. DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK. SHUT UP AND ACCEPT YOUR OWN AWESOMENESS.
DO IT.
DOOOOOOOOOO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.
*Hugs*
ERMAGHERD
http://youtu.be/siTLWx0Ppmc
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