SCHOOL!

Sorry for the moment of panic. I was just angry and disappointed. It's nothing I can't handle.

I'm really excited to start Uni next week. Truly, it doesn't matter if I make any friends because I'm there for the classes, which are really interesting. And if I do meet some great people, all the better! They won't know about my past. I think it'd be nice.

The friend I'm going with though, the one who is a perfectionist and obsessed with her appearance and who wants to be skinny but not sick skinny like we do, is going to be a problem. She's kind and loyal and supportive but bad for me, and I'm bad for her. And we're stranded here alone since everyone else left. Just something else I need to watch out for.

I always thought I would leave this town for Uni: I have excellent grades and I love school, I'm independent and desperate to erase my past. I just can't afford it. It would be ridiculous to borrow so much money to move away when I can stay here and go to a school that's giving me a scholarship. Maybe I'll move when I go to Med school. I'll finally get that fresh start.

I really love you girls. I want to meet you and just hug you until all your problems go away. I feel guilty because, in the end, I know I'll be okay: I'm constantly improving without those teenage hormones in my way and, though I probably won't ever be normal, I'll be a bit of a shut-in and I'll have my books and I'll survive because so many simple things make me happy. I'm just lucky, really, really lucky. I need you because I love you and you've done so much for me and I can't bear to be away for too long. But I'm going to survive. It's strange knowing that know, but I guess it's rather nice. I have plans. It won't be easy. But it's possible. And that's all I need.