I went to a funeral and I just lost it. People truly ARE leaving me. Not that I blame them. I mean they've got their own lives (deaths?) to tend to.
Maybe it's not so bad if they leave me. But they shouldn't just leave. Not before their time. I guess most people do.
The closer I get to starting Uni the more I realize how big the rift is, the one between me and other people my age. I'm scared and lost, out of place and out of time. I live by my own, impratical, ridiculous set of standards. Like a child. They live for things I can't even understand, and I for things that are irrelevant and not entirely real. Even with friends and family, I am pretending. I guess it was foolish to think I'd ever meet someone like me, when I so desperately wish I was like anyone else. I don't usually get my hopes up like that.
It's okay. I'll always have my books. And classes. And a career. And fleeting moments of sincerity with friends or strangers, enough to keep me socializing (at least a little). It's pretty good. I'll even have your virtual presences until you grow bored of me. And odds are I'll meet someone (or sometwo or somethree) someday, that I'll catch up to my generation eventually, not soon, but someday. Right?
(I just read Blindness by Santiago. It was... wow.)
1 comment:
*Huggles*
They don't leave you by choice, love. Sometimes they just have to go whether they want to or not.
Live for your dreams. Your own standards and ideals, not anyone else's. Everyone moves through life stages at different paces and times. trying to measure your life against another's for a sense of relevance is futile.
Books will always be there. And music. And beautiful sunsets and beaches and stars and random drunken missions to the park with friends at 3am. (If those last don't continue happening every now and then, I will be very annoyed at life and start instigating them)
Lol, if catching up with my generation means popping out a few kids and getting my car license: Fuck that shit.
I'll be sticking around until you get bored of blogging. (Which will happen before I get bored of reading your stuff). I look forward to reading your posts about the someperson/somepeople you run into.
All my love and many random tangents <3
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