Makes me feel like I'm going somewhere. Which I'm not.
I'm thinking of studying quantum physics. And russian litterature. And moving to Norway. Possibly. Taking up martial arts, and maybe writing again. Maybe.
But we all know I'll never do any of that. It's like days come and go, and then they're gone, and nothing has changed. Everything is stagnant and I can't wash the foul odor of rot out of my thoughts. I could say it's time for a revolution but it's not; I don't have the drive for it anymore.
I guess maybe you're right and it's not my fault and we are going to be okay. But somehow I can't believe it, and you never even said that we would be fine. I guess we never have been.
Is there something I'm supposed to do with my life right now? I kind of want something new but the opportunity isn't there and I'm too scared/stuck/angry/confused to reach out for it. OR I am too busy making excuses for myself. That's more likely.
But there is that insignificant part of me that still wants to write lists and achieve things and meet people. It's there and it's a timid little thing. Maybe I can start by getting off this computer and reading that 700 page book. Or find inspiration in your lovely blogs.
When I feel like someone's listening, things just seem better. I am sort of peaceful right now, a little bit blue, but a little bit hopeful. Thanks for reading ladies.
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