motivationmotivationmotivation!

This is me at my fittest (two years and eight pounds ago, and far more toned)

Want to guess which one I am? It's a very random picture, so I could be any one of these ladies.

If I was that girl, I can be her again. Be BETTER. Right?

behavorial analysis

In order to find out how I should behave to MINIMIZE my anger, MAXIMIZE my peace of mind and OPTIMIZE my mood, I've made a list of my behaviours and my feelings regarding said behaviours.

Not Eating - Good
Eating Fruits and Veggies - Good
Eating Dairy - Good (for some reason)
Eating Anything Else - Bad
Not Eating - Good
Drinking Water - Neutral

Purging When I Feel Overwhelmed - Good
Purging Any Other Time - Bad

Cutting - Neutral
Purposely Not Sleeping - Bad
Abusing Laxatives - Neutral
Going Numb for Days - Bad
Over-exercising - Neutral

Nesting When Recovering - Good
Nesting a Little - Good
Nesting a Lot - Bad
Spending Too Much Time On Computer - Bad
Reading - Good
Watching Good Movie/TV Show - Neutral
Blogging - Good

Working Five Jobs - Neutral
Being Exhausted - Bad
Working Three Jobs - Good
Doing Chores With Energy - Good
Doing Chores Without Energy - Bad
Schoolwork - Good
Particularly Disliked Schoolwork - Neutral

Seeing Best Friends - Good
Seeing Friend Who Knows About Ongoing ED - Neutral
Seeing Friends - Bad
Parties - Neutral To Bad
Being Hit On at Parties - Good to Bad (!!! This Is New !!!)
Social Activities (ex: Grocery Shopping): Bad

I will draw a conclusion from this shortly. May science show me the way to a better lifestyle...

status report!

Doing a little better at, well, not purging.

I wonder if that's considered a valuable life skill...

JILLIAN-ROSE
- CÉGEP graduate (almost).
- Experienced in scientific research.
- Pretty decent at NOT vomiting. sometimes.

CAN'T STOP PUKING

I swear to God I pulled a muscle in my oesophagus

Ana to mia feels like out of the frying pan into the fire

après de mûres réflexions...

After much pondering, I have concluded that I am a total loser.

I need to lower my standards or I won't survive... But I know I won't. I'll just keep reaching for the stars until my arms snap off.

Can't fall asleep because I'm literally sickened by my heart's beating? Check.

I can't ignore it PLEASE GO AWAY

I just need to convince myself that being spontaneously wreckless does not make me superior, interesting or extraordinary; it just makes me crazy and pathetic.

Trying to put bizarre and inappropriate emotions into words. Eh. "Eh" sums it up pretty nicely.

If by "Eh" I mean my being shot down by a friend after being a bitch to him for years, feeling incredibly hurt and inexplicably turned on, shedding doubt on previous theories regarding my asexuality. This does not bode well for my hypothetical future attempts at relationships.

Eh.