Once again, there is no one to whom I can talk. Once again, I turn to you! LOADS on my mind.
First of all, my CEGEP hired me as a researcher- which is awesome- and it involves a lot of work. We're researching renewable energy sources, more specifically solar energy. Basically, we want to harness the power of the sun to make electricity- WITHOUT using photovoltaic pannels. They're costly and create a lot of pollution when you produce them. So between this job, my tutoring, my shifts at the bed and breakfast, school and a ton of homework, I'm running all over the place. I have a lot of responsabilities and it's making me nervous!
I'm also worried about University. I don't know what I want to do. I applied in Biomed but now I have a job in Physics and maybe I want to be a doctor I JUST DON'T KNOW. And at 8000$ a year, I can't afford to be wrong. Thank GOD for scholarships.
I've been feeling angry because my life is trivial and incredibly boring: I read books and they make me want to run away and live wild adventures, but I don't have the guts or the skills and I'm not fictional (unfortunately). When my life is dull, I feel stuck and I hate everyone (especially myself). When my life IS exciting, I feel like I don't deserve it and the guilt ruins every precious moment. I AM A LIVING CONTRADICTION. Or just stupid. Either-or.
Finally, I keep thinking about this boy that I should NOT be thinking about. It's driving me crazy. It's wrong and I don't like it. Why him? UGH.
So there's your insight into my brain. It's not very pretty, or interesting in the least. TRIVIAL. Sorry 'bout that.
1 comment:
Oh.
My.
Gods.
You have to coolest job EVER! I'll be all over purchasing any that you guys can turn to home-usage when I have a home of my own. New Zealand relies solely on hydro power, with a little wind power here and there. A drought year can cause HELL in winter power bills!
Never be afraid to change majors if you discover that what you're studying isn't right for you. I wasted 3 years and $30,000 because I was too damn stubborn to change to something I didn't hate.
Your life is NEVER trivial. You make massive impacts on others without ever knowing it. Trust me.
Hells YES I'm excited about the spinning wheel! :D Lol, small pleasures for small minds over here! I want it fixed NOOOOOOOOW!
Wow, can I come visit one year for winter? I've never skated on an outside rink before. We get maybe one good snowfall a year :/
I hope your week goes well. Take care, love.
xoxo
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