sleep

When I was a child and sleep eluded me, I remember praying to an unseen, unknown force for slumber. Sometimes I was scared of creepy-crawly monsters; sometimes, it was the stomach pains. Often, it was just the vertigo, the fear of fear, so discomforting it's almost painful. I cried and begged and pleaded for magic sleeping dust; I made offerings; I prayed to a christian god I've never believed in, the moon, the stars, my dead dog and cats, the trees, the sky and the creator of the universe. I clenched my body and pressed my eyes shut and prayed so hard that I shook. I would find sleep, eventually, exhausted from a night of true terror.

Sleep was my refuge. Insomnia was my nightmare.