a lot of things to say

I've never been one to scream on the rooftops that music is my life. It isn't: my life is much more than what I conceive as music. It bothers me that so many people would say that, because they almost never live up to it (I can, however, think of one notable exception). My sister says music is her one passion, yet she'll spend hours on Facebook or playing video games and not play or listen to music for days. But Music is cool, and Everyone needs to be cool, and so People are Fake, and People defile beautiful things.

So, without pretending that music is my water and bread, live music makes me a different person, to the extent that I'm so much fuller, more complete, more myself, than at any other point in my life. It's like every sense, nerve, emotion, thought and dream rush through my body and radiate through my skin to create the ultimate feeling: euphoria. You're alone in a crowd, you're one with the crowd, you're one with the base line and the drums and the melody, you're still you but bigger, better, more. You're in love with every sound, object, person and part of your body that allowed this moment to come into being. You're a blur of excitement but you've never been more defined, more true to yourself, essentially. Concerts are not what I live for but they're when I live most. It's the complete opposite of reading an amazing book: it brings you out instead of pulling you in, it makes you enormous instead of expanding the world until you're nothing but a speck of dust. If I could feel both at once, I don't think I'd live through it. Wonder and euphoria. Wonder drives me, pushes me to see and be all the beautiful things: euphoria allows me to live it out, to feel everything that I am, was and could be.

And it is said that scientists are unphased by art. If it is true, I will be the beginning of a new breed. But it can't be: a true scientist, to me, is someone that aches for knowledge and truth, and aims to use his or her brain to its full capacity, knowingly. Consequently, an artist, by definition, is a scientist. I really do think art comes from the brain, from human reason. It isn't because art conveys emotions that it isn't rational... Right? I am a scientist too.

My mother isn't a monster you know. She's just sick, more so than myself. She does everything she can to be a good mother. She's worked all of her life: even now, she has two jobs in order to pay for this huge house in this beautiful town. For me, and for my sister. I don't hate her, not at all. I love her. She's given me all the opportunities to expand my intellect. She isn't trying to hurt me, I don't think. There would be so many better, easier, more efficient ways. She sees things her own way and she's obstinate not to change them: this allows her to ignore what she makes me go through sometimes, and can make her hard to deal with when we disagree... But I'm a grateful daughter. Most have it much worse than me. And you know what? I think that, though I have my moment of weakness, I'm strong enough to fight her until I leave.

Finally, Harry Potter was amazing, as usual. A concert and the movie premiere: what a night. A lot of things that I like with people I love.