need to get out of this rut

I have committed the crime of binge.

I can't stand myself. These hundred-some pounds of myself. In the morning, I have water. At lunch, hot water. For dinner, two helpings of whatever I'm havin plus bread plus crakers plus carrots plus plus plus. What is wrong with me? I know I've taken my working out up a few notches but this is ridiculous.

I ate a bowl of crackers half an hour ago. For breakfast, an orange. And a slice of banana bread. And a bowl of cereal. For lunch, vegetable soup. So much food. So much fat.

And worse of all, I learn today that one of the friends I thought I could trust blabbed to her circle of friends about my eating disorder. I was so stupid to think I was morth more than some juicy gossip. I don't deserve friends. And friends mean food.

All I have now is school. And books. And starving. And if I can just stick to that maybe I'll be happier. Someday.