all this time and nothing to do

Right now I'm plagued with thoughts of driving sharp objects through my skull. Just out of curiosity. I'm sure it would be very painful and that I would regret it. But it makes everything a bit surreal. And my appetite is just gone and exams are over so I don't really know what to do with myself.

I'm really unwell. Maybe I'm sick. It's too hot in here and everything is just nausea and vertigo and tired eyes. Sleeping doesn't help. If I read I'll only feel more withdrawn. But I'm not unhappy. I'm rarely unhappy these days. This morning I made a snowman and usually it feels good to get out, there was so much snow and it was the stickiest snow, perfect for building snowmen and forts but I was all alone and I just couldn't do more than make that one snowman. I wish I hadn't left him alone.

sososorry very busy and creatively dead. also social interaction is just not happening right now. even this kind. miss you all.