I have been doing so well. Eating proper, healthy food in normal quantities. Socializing. Staying out of bed. I even went to parties. I laughed and yelled and rolled around in the dirt with boys. Very unlike me. But, apparently, closer to normal than I've ever been.
So, obviously, instead of embracing this semblance of conformity, I am panicking.
People. Too many people. Scary. Not me. Not good. Boring. People are a bore. I don't want to be people.
(Persons, on the other hand? They're okay.)
Young adulthood. Typical. Cliché. Not me. Not good. Boring.
Uni next year. Excited but terrified. Too many people. Scary. Best friend is with me in every class: best friend is terrible for me. Tall, thin, beautiful perfectionist. Together we are unstoppable. With her I sabotage my every effort to be well (not normal, but well). I am mean to her and she lets me be mean. I can't stand people who let me step all over them. I wish someone would stand up to me.
Slip back into childhood and simpler things. Use sarcasm (textbook case of an automatic defense mechanism). Stay away from boys because I do not understand them. Colour. Sleep. Read Harry Potter. All will be well. Use brilliant Harry Potter references. Much love.
