You know what? I've had enough. I don't want to be "sane", I don't want to be "happy", I don't want to be "healthy" anymore. Screw your misconceptions. I am allowed to have my own conceptions and my own vision and my own perspective. You are not allowed to qualify me or anything in my place. I qualify what I want how I want to. You cannot choose what I call thin or fat or beautiful or wrong. You can't. I have my own mind and my own subjectivity. You call what I want dying, worse, killing myself, you define me as more beast than human, but you are wrong. YOU are killing the human in me. This is so much more than just being myself. It's just being. And I'm so fucking tired of hating myself for being. I will live by my own standards. And if you don't think I can, just watch me. I am taking a stand. I have my own dreams, my own expectations, my own priorities. Subjectivity is what makes me a person. I am allowed to be different, to see differently, to laugh at things that are "shocking" or cry at things that are meant to be "pleasant", or "entertaining", or "practical". I want to be thin, I want to be MY thin, just like you want to make eighty grand a year and live in a mansion and drive some fancy sportscar. And if you think I'm ridiculous, just imagine what I think of you. You won't make me one of you. I will NOT be average. I will be above average by all of my standards. And maybe, when you'll see that I've beaten you all, when you see that you don't have your own standards, when you finally come to realize that you are living a life defined by mediocrity, when you find your own skills and dreams ridiculed and beat down and thrown into a sewer by those you thought were your allies, maybe you'll understand. Not that I care, hopefully I'll be long gone by then.
I will live by my own standards and no one else's. Try and stop me.
1 comment:
Hell yes!
I love the tone and strength in this, it's beautiful.
PS: White Pony was my anthem album throughout grade school. My first Deftones song was 'Change', which is still one of my all-time faves. I felt like such a nerd hanging out with Stephen, because I kinda introduced myself in one of those awkward 'holyshityou're-' moments with "I guess I'm like one of your uh biggest fans or uh yeah" It came out something similar, anyway. Have you seen them live? They throw a grrrreat show. And they are also one of the very few bands who consistently throw out great music on every album, whereas most bands I listened to back then, now mostly suck. I gotta admit, White Pony's still my favorite album. It's one of those 'my first' moments, you know what I mean? I suggest, well, all of their albums. (Oh, man, I could go on for hours about how great they are, ahaha.)
The Prodigy are great, too, thanks for sparking that memory! haha
And I love lengthy comments. So please share as much as you'd like, and I'll try and do the same, if you don't mind my own lengthy, rambling goodness. Ha!
Take care, and until next time, adieu!
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