I've peen picking at my arms, scratching the skin away, scratch scratch scratch, flesh and blood. Four oval-shaped welts ornate my arms. They burn. I've smothered them with Polysporin because I am terrified (yet strangely fascinated) by infections. Scratch scratch scratch, make it look absentminded, when really it's all your thinking about and you feel it in every nerve of your body.
I am really tired. I need a break but everything has just begun and there's no taking breaks in real life. Yes, Jillian, this is real life, when you get hurt and you hurt people and everything you do counts. This isn't a figment of your imagination or this fantasy world where you can give in to every single impulsion and desire. You should probably realize this soon.
Is it wrong to give in to desires? I mean I'm not giving in because I wasn't fighting beforehand. Is it wrong to do what you want, and to not do what you don't want? And I don't mean this in a childish "I want no work and all play" way. I just want to be myself.
2 comments:
no it is not wrong to give in to desires, in fact i think you must sometimes because otherwise nothing is fun
Oh, hunny, please don't hurt yourself! I don't like you hurting at all. It's not wrong to give into desires; it's not wrong to be yourself. It doesn't matter what other people say: be who you are, and know that she is beautiful. I love you so much, Jillian.
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